The Beat in My Heart

Sharing my Thoughts with the World!

Moving to California

We have been in Seattle for 5.5 years. Before moving here, I was not sure about the move at all. We lived in Wisconsin for about 8 years, we owned a home there, both the boys were born there… way too many memories. It was really really hard to leave that place and move. We put the house for sale, and got ready to move all the way to the Pacific Northwest. While driving to the airport, I was bawling like a baby. I loved our home and I really couldn’t believe that we have to leave it and move.

Once we got here, we fell in the routine of things, and started looking for an apartment. Although we were reluctant to move to Redmond because the commute for S would be a bit too much, we decided to just check out the place. The first time we drove around Redmond, we knew we should live here. It just felt so familiar and nice. We signed a lease and we have been in Redmond all these years. Never regretted our decision.

Moving here also gave us opportunities we did not have in the small town of Wisconsin. I was able to get a job within 6 months of moving, S loved his job, we found a good day care for the kids and we settled down. I always hated the winters, but the summers do make up for it. Summers are beautiful here. The scenery is so good. Time just flew by and I have no idea how 5 years have gone by. We made amazing friends here, the schools are good, my career is blooming and life is just blissful at this point.

Now, we are having to leave all this leave to a new place and start over again. S got an very nice opportunity in CA. After debating for over a month, we decided to move and make it our new home. Saying that I am anxious about the move is putting it mildly. There are days when I am almost hyperventilating because the thought of moving is just too much for me. I have come to love this place and it makes me sad to move. There are days I fantasize about moving and having the opportunity to grow plants all through the year. The gardener in me is excited. It will definitely be nice to not worry about the rain or the gloomy weather. So, there are some perks that come with it.

The kids seem excited. Hopefully writing about it here will help me deal with all of this in a better way 🙂

 

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Random Ramblings early in the morning

It is 5:30 in the morning and I have already been up for 2 hours. I went for a yoga class yesterday after a long time. I had been to yoga classes at my gym before and I absolutely loved it. It made me feel more relaxed. Since I am not able to make time to go on week days, I decided to go yesterday (Saturday). The one thing different this time was that it was not the regular basic yoga class. It was a slightly fast paced one. I didn’t realize it until I go there. Then I just kept going and felt good about how flexible my body is. But, the instructor had the music a bit loud for my liking and by the end of it, I actually had a head ache.

Then after coming home, me and S decided to clean out our garage. It has been a long time coming and I was starting to feel very stressed about the mess around the house. So, I just dived right in with him and cleaned every bit of the garage – it was mostly re-organizing and labeling stuff but, it did take us 3 hours. I didn’t realize it then, but I had done a lot of work there. By the end of it, I was VERY tired. We ordered food from a new restaurant (which has the best hyderabadi biriyani) and ate until I was too full. I then had a long shower and a nap. Best Saturday right.. but, it was not. I started aching all over and couldn’t even get out of bed. I stayed in bed until 5 pm and then slowly got to cooking. I just felt drained by that time and had barely any energy left for anything.

But, I somehow got the kids to eat (in the middle of  a million complaints), put the kids to bed, ate dinner and I fell asleep complaining of body aches. So, early in the morning, Sanjay came over to snuggle with me. He does that all the time. He woke me up at 3 am and then after about half hour went back to his bed. I have been up since then as my entire body is aching and I just cannot fall asleep 😦 I took tablets for the pain and drank some warm milk in the hope that I will fall asleep. God.. I should just stick to my walking routine for a while. Well.. lesson learn’t. I was just browsing and suddenly realized that I had all the time now to write a post here.

Ah.. it feels so good to write again 🙂 I missed this.

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Thanksgiving 2016

We had a pretty laid back day today. I woke up with a headache, and my cold increased. I relaxed for a bit in the morning. We then did a couple of loads of laundry and cleaned the house. It felt really good. Sometimes getting things done around the house feels so good that it actually lifts my mood. We ate a quick lunch and I managed to take a small nap while the kids were watching tv.

In the evening, we had some friends over for dinner. I made more apple pie bites (S says they should be called cinnamon apple rolls) and S made minestrone soup. We had cheese baguettes and casserole from our friends. It was a very nice and relaxing evening. The best part was that, I had planned everything so well that, I was all done with cooking and cleaning and also had time to sit around and relax before they came over. That felt good.

The only tough part was having a headache all day today. It lasted through the evening and I felt drained by the time everybody left. I am sleepy but, I know I wouldn’t fall asleep yet. I just want to see how many days I can write my happy thoughts here. We are planning to go for shopping tomorrow just for the fun of it. Let’s see if we can get any good deals.

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The year 2016

I was just going through my past blog post and realized that I have not accomplished anything that I wanted to. Here I have detailed very clearly what I wanted to do and achieve this year. I am very sad to say that I have not accomplished anything from that long list.

I gave up blogging all these days as it was eating my already limited time. Why am I writing now? I am actually not sure. I love to write posts here. I love to go back and read them. But, the lack of time is making it impossible to do it. And I realized that the lack of time is because of me. I suck at time management. As a freelancer, that is the first thing I should master and I haven’t done that yet. It’s been two years into freelancing, but I am nowhere near my goals. I would love to get more projects.

I keep making strong decisions from time to time but keeping promises to myself is the last thing I do. Keeping promises to others comes easily for me. So, I am currently struggling with a huge work load, stress of taking care of everything at home and not to mention every little detail regarding the kids. I am tired pretty much most of the days. It’s been months since I actually saw an entire movie. I just don’t feel like doing any of those things anymore. I just want to get enough sleep and I am not getting that either. Right now I should have been sleeping. It’s been a week since I got any good sleep. I have a pounding headache right now and I cannot fall asleep. I opened this blog and thought I will start writing something here. I actually like the fact that I am writing here but, I know I am going to pay for it tomorrow. The kids are going to wake up early and I am going to drag through another day with very little sleep. Sigh!

Hopefully, I will write here more often and hopefully it will be the good things that are happening in my life. One of my goals last year was to write about the good things in my life. I know I am thankful to many things in life. I want to make sure I remember them and feel good. Anyway with tomorrow being thanksgiving, now is probably the best time to start writing about what I am happy about.

The things I am happy about today:

  1. I made apple pie bites today. I have been wanting to make this for a while now and I finally made it today. It was okay. Not as good as I expected, but hey I am going to give some credit to myself for actually making something.
  2. I took time off work today and spent doing nothing. I read for a while before picking up the kids from school. After lunch, I was just browsing the internet lazily. I did have some work to do for a client, but I ignored it for today.
  3. I cleared the kids toys and the junk we have been saving for God knows how long! The kids were actually eager to help me clear up so that they can bring in some new toys from the garage. We actually ended up with one big pile of trash (broken toys and missing parts) and also one big pile of toys to donate. The kids decided that some toys were in good condition but, they are much older now to be playing with them. I am very happy about it.
  4. I went to Half Price Books today to return some stuff. I remembered that Sanjay wanted Guliver’s Travels book. I was actually able to find a kids version of the book with very nice illustrations. It only has the story of Lilliputs and not the other parts of his adventure. But, it is a great book and Sanjay loves it!

Ok… not bad. I was able to come up with a few things. With about a month to go for the new year, let’s see what I can accomplish.

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Being Happy and Healthy

First of all, I want to say that I am officially out of the blogathon 😦 What was I thinking when I committed myself to writing a post EVERYDAY??? Clearly I wasn’t thinking. That is the problem with me. I always sign up myself for a lot of things and I don’t manage to get them done. The same happened with the blogathon. I was not sure if I will be able to write everyday. But, I wanted to. I just couldn’t make it work. There are plenty of reasons why I could not write but, I am not going to dwell on them. This year I decided I am going to focus more of the positive side of life. If I want my kids to stay positive and focus on the good things that life gives us, I should be practicing it right? So, that’s what I plan to do.

As I already said in my first post this year, I plan to work on a lot of things like my health and managing my time efficiently. I also decided to blog regularly but it is really difficult for me to come up with topics when I start writing. I need to improve on this for my work as well. So, I plan to write about my exercise, eating right, time management and the other little things that make me happy. Hopefully, that will give me fodder to write and will also help me go back and look at my progress.

When I say ‘being healthy’, it is a big term and it has various dimensions to it. Eating right (not dieting), exercising, getting my vitamins everyday and most of all focusing on happy thoughts. All this needs to go hand in hand. I read somewhere that we should focus on changing one thing at a time. That is just not working for me. So, I decided to do it all at once. It might be a lot to handle, but by then end of this year, I hope to be a much happier and healthier person 🙂  I am trying to teach my kids to be happy focus on the good and bad parts of their days as well. Every night before they go to bed, I talk to them about their day. They tell me if they think they had a good, bad or a worst day. They also tell me about their worst part and the best part of the day. I have been doing this for about 6 months now and I can see the clarity in their thoughts. They now know that some days they get more things that they like (favorite dinner or candy or play date with a friend or favorite episode on TV etc..) and some days are really bad because they had a fight in school or they had to eat something they don’t like etc. But, now they also realize that no matter how bad the day was, there is always some good that has happened to them. I love how even Sanjay can think so clearly sometimes. This exercise has helped them grow on an emotional level.

I plan to do the same but never get around to actually write down my thoughts. This is where I plan to use this blog and write more positive thoughts here. I might dump my negative thoughts too, but I hope to never publish them. But, then am I actually thinking that I can write my thoughts here everyday? Hell no! I am smarter now and I plan to write here once a week. I’m so hoping I will have some good things to write about my exercise next week (keeping my fingers crossed).

Have a happy weekend!

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Lessons learned in 2015

Everyday I get blogging prompts in my email. A couple of days ago, the prompt was “What’s the most important lesson you learned in 2015”? When I saw this prompt, my immediate reaction was that “did I really learn something?” I thought hard and yes, I did learn a few things.

  • I learned to plan well during trips with kids. When we went to Orlando, FL for a week, we booked all the theme park tickets ahead of time and took all the printouts necessary. We booked comfortable flights even if they cost a bit more. S had gone on a business trip and flew to Orlando from there. I flew with the kids to Orlando. Since, I was flying alone with the kids, I planned extra carefully. All that planning paid off. We had a excellent trip and we were not that tired when we got back home. We also went to visit places with my parents in the Summer. Even then, we did an awesome job planning with the trip and the food. My mom does not eat garlic and she does not relish many foods here in the US. We went with proper ready to eat foods and other stuff which enabled all of us to have an enjoyable trip.
  • As a mom who always questions herself, I have learned that as the kids grow up, I really need to pick my battles. There are things that I simply have to let go and let my kids be themselves. They are too little to be themselves all the time but, I realized that I need to let them make their own mistakes and learn from it.
  • I realized that I have been doing the right thing by not bothering the kids about various activities outside of school. I let my 8 yr old have some free time in the evenings and I can see how his creativity comes through during those times. I have also learned to listen to my gut feeling even though the others do not agree with me.
  • I have learned to control my temper a little bit. This is a huge achievement in my case. If I get upset or mad, I used to yell at the kids or talk a bit harshly with S. I am very happy to say that I have changed a lot. I am not 100% there yet, but I am more than 60% there. Hopefully, I will keep that temper under control more often this year.

There are probably more things I actually learn’t but cannot remember much now. I would like to hear about the lessons you learn’t in 2015!! Blogatho

 

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Happy Mother’s Day!!!

Happy Mother’s Day to all the wonderful mom’s!

Today, I want to ask a few questions to all the mom’s. I am starting with my own answers and cannot wait to hear yours!

1. How do you feel as a mom?

I feel wonderful to know that I know so much about my kids that even S cannot guess. I can look at them sometimes and figure out what they need. It is an amazing feeling that two little people depend on me for their life and trust me with their heart. When I think about how little they were and how quickly they are growing up, I feel like dumping everything away and watching them every second of every day so that I will not miss out on their childhood. It has been an year since I quit my job for a freelance career and I couldn’t be happier. I love the time I can spend with the kids now.

I am constantly questioning myself about my parenting. I always feel like I am being judged as a mom. I am not sure how much of it is true but, I cannot help feeling that. Especially, when I visit India, that feeling keeps gnawing my insides. But, I have decided that, no matter how hard it is, I am going to do certain things my way. I know it is a lot easier to put it on my blog than doing it for real. But, I am going to stand by my beliefs and support my kids now matter what the world thinks. Like all mom’s I am learning as I go.

2. Hardest thing for you as a mom?

So far, the hardest thing for me as a mom is letting go. I think it is going to be more difficult as the kids grow older. The one thing I have to learn is to let go of the kids and let them be themselves as they grow older. I want to let them develop their own individual personality. I want to respect the people they become. They might not believe in the same things I do, but, they are still my kids. I want to show them how beautiful the world is and also how cruel it can be sometimes. I want to let them make their own mistakes even though it is hard watching them do it. This is going to be the challenging part of parenting. It is going to be hard not to rub my opinions on them. The most important thing I want to teach them is to be self confident. I just hope I will be able to do all these things.

3. Your Proud mommy moment (it can be more than one moment)?

There are a lot of things I am proud of doing as a mom. But, the one thing I would say is creating an interest in books for both the kids. I taught the kids how wonderful books can be. Sanjay can read small words now and he is constantly trying to read the bigger words as well. He can read little books now. Sarath’s favorite thing in the world is reading books 🙂 I always give a pat on my back for creating that interest in them. I started reading picture books to Sarath when he was about 6 months old. There were people who mocked me for doing that. But, I never gave up. When Sanjay was born, I used to put him in my lap while I read stories to Sarath. It is amazing to see how much they love books now and how they can keep themselves busy with books.

I am tagging DIL, R’smom, Saritha, Lifi, Bingo’s mom, Comfy. Anyone I forgot to tag can take it up too 🙂 And please remember to tag a few more mom’s you know!

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Feels Good to be back home

We just got back from a week long vacation to Orlando. We have been planning this trip for a while now and finally, we got good tickets using airline miles. We originally planned on leaving on Saturday and coming back on Saturday. But, the tickets were expensive due to Spring break. So, we left last Tuesday and came back this Tuesday. It was a really good vacation and I did not even remember which day it was most of the time. More than a couple of times, S had to remind me the day of the week 🙂 It was hot in Orlando, which was a nice change from all the rain we have been having here. The weather reminded me of Hyderabad and it felt nice to wear summer clothes, sandals and not having to worry about carrying jackets everywhere.

Now, it feels good to be back to the daily routine. The one main part of the trip that I did not like was food. The kids – especially Sanjay did not eat well on the entire trip. Given the fact that there was a 3 hour time difference and we ate at different times each day, he was not at all hungry most of the times. The kids refused to eat snacks as well. I let them eat how much they wanted and they did fine. So, I did not fret too much about it. On the other hand, I indulged in food and ate more than what I should have been eating at each meal. Although, sometimes I made some good healthy choices while eating at restaurants, most of the time I was eating junk food. I think I ate fries enough for a month or two in the past one week 😦 Anyway, it is time to go back to gym and healthy salads for a while I guess.

The best part of the trip was knowing that the kids would eat anything and also the fact that we did not have to worry about nap times or lunch/dinner times. These are the perks of the kids growing up. We also went prepared for hunger and melt down emergencies. We packed a couple of snacks and juices everyday with us and we ordered milk with kids meals most of the times. That kept them happy 🙂 We also made sure that the kids got enough rest at night. The only thing we missed were the fire works but, the kids were so tired by 6:00 in the evening that we did not dare stay longer at any of the parks.

I had lots of fun with the camera on this trip and I am really happy with some of the pictures 🙂 It was a really good trip and a much needed vacation. I will put up some more details about the trip soon.

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Out of Hibernation

I feel like I can breathe again. It has been hectic since January. Even though I was happy that work was keeping me busy, it also hit me hard that working as a freelancer is no piece of cake. All the stress of work and home are finally getting to me and I feel more depressed and lazy than ever. I just feel like curling up on the sofa reading a book just like I used to do when I was in college 🙂 But, since I cannot afford to do that and also because I am tired of feeling like this, I decided that coming back to blogging regularly should help me. So, here I am after a loooong break.

So many things happened that I wanted to write about but, never made the time for it. Hopefully, I will write more often.

Sanjay is going to be 4 pretty soon. I cannot believe how fast the kids are growing up. Sanjay can read small words now and likes to read a book all by himself. Yesterday, Sarath was teaching Sanjay how to read. That was the cutest thing ever. Sarath was so patient. As for me, I am loving this current phase of life as I feel the kids are their best ages. They can play together and generally spend time together. Their interests are mostly similar. They can spend hours together building tracks, or lego’s. That also means that they fight like crazy. But, I do not interfere most of the times and I can hear them fighting, crying and laughing again all in a span of 5 min 🙂

Sarath is in that cute age where he can neither be called a little kid nor a big kid. Sometimes he acts so mature and there are times when he suddenly behaves like a 3 yr old! But, I guess when he grows out of this phase, I am going to miss it. Over the weekend, I had severe throat infection and was very sick. Sarath made green tea for me! I gave him instructions and he did really good. He not only made the tea, but also carried the hot cup all the way upstairs without spilling one drop!!! I was happy beyond words. The one thing I am having trouble with is getting Sarath to eat lunch everyday. That has been driving my crazy. He is usually very good with food. He has his reservations with trying out new food but, otherwise he eats a variety of food. But, lately, the lunch box always comes back half full 😦 His usual complaint is that he does not have time which I agree to an extent. I am constantly trying out new combinations of snack and lunch to give him a variety of healthy foods to eat. Let’s hope that works.

Now that April is here, we are able to see more sun 🙂 So, I am taking the kids onto the trail regularly and it just feels so nice to be outside. Can’t wait to start my garden (aka potted plants)! So, that’s it for today. How have you all been doing? I will hop over to your blogs and read your posts eventually.

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Dear amma,

I never thanked you for all the wonderful things you taught me. I never appreciated everything you did for me until I moved out and started earning on my own. I never thought that being a mom is so rewarding and terrifying all at the same time until I became a mom. I don’t think I ever told you this, but you are a great role model for me. I grew up seeing you working hard at your office and at home. You taught me that we could really have it all. You taught me that patience is golden. With patience, many problems can be solved. When ever you yelled at me for something very small, I always got mad. Now, I understand why you did it.

You taught me that hard work is everything. And the bigger part is thinking that we can actually do it.

When nanna was not well, you were the rock to our family. All of us owe you everything for nanna’s speedy recovery. Me and D were little at that time. But, I remember a lot of it. You just ignored people who were rude and made rude comments. You only focused on what you needed to do for our family and you did it. You took help when ever you needed it and you always knew to ask the right people. You were amazing amma!

You were and are still the only person who can get me to talk and forget my migraines. You are the only person who can understand all my non-sense phone calls when I don’t have anything to talk. Before I got married, remember I lied down in your lap and cried like a little girl? I was terrified amma. I was really scared about getting married and moving in with another person for the rest of my life. I know that I chose to marry S and I knew him and his family for a while before we got married. But, I was still very scared. You let me cry for as long as I wanted to and comforted me. Crying on your lap was such a relief.

You are very good at finances. You and nanna always took care of finances together. I regret the fact that I never learn’t that from you.

When I was pregnant the first time, I was so happy and also sad that I could not tell it you in person. I did not understand why you were so worried about me having the baby before you could get here. But, anyway, it was a relief when I saw you. I let out a breath I never knew I was holding until then. You were an amazing person even then. We did have a few fights about what I can do and what I cannot. But, you took care of me and the kids until you left. You also let me do things so that I would be okay once you went back to India. Thank you for all of that. The best part was when I could walk in the middle of the night to your room and give the kids to you. That used to be such a relief. I used to sleep in peace until the next feeding 🙂 I missed that the most when you left for India.

I am really happy that Sarath is able to learn music from you even we are continents apart. It is so nice to see you two practicing music and you teaching Sarath new songs 🙂

Anyway, I could go on and on about all the amazing things that you did for me and taught me. The list would be endless. I just want you to know that even though, there are so many things that we do not agree upon, I will always love you just like you love me. Thank you for everything that you taught me. I love you amma 🙂

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